Big Personalities and Madmen

Before I begin with this week’s effort I’d like to start by addressing the previous week’s blog. I had not bargained on my writing reaching that many views and panic had just started to set in that my gaffer would get wind of it. Then I thought to myself, “nah it’s all right, there is no chance he has access to twitter”. I was wrong. I woke up to a text.
“I thought your blog was good. Ya fud”
Glad I’ve finally got the gaffers approval. I can now sleep easy.

He is a big character in the Scottish game and I knew he would take it in good jest. It goes without saying, that on the first day of preseason, he is going to rip the pish out of me. In a playing sense, I have shared a dressing room with a few big characters. I would like to tell you about 3  that I enjoyed spending time with.  This is a family blog so I won’t be able to give much away but I hope you can relate to it.


Kyle “Eddie Vice” Wilkie

Not long in the door at the Tony Macaroni stadium – I was seated in the changing room beside a trialist. This trialist was the most confident annoying man I’ve ever spent time with. I held this opinion for about 2 weeks and then grew to enjoy his company.

He had a particularly strong relationship with Jimmy Scott and the pair of them would get up to some peculiar behaviour. Eddie Vice would quite often miss time his farts on the physio bed and would run pants at the ankle to the toilet. He was a man who was very comfortable with his sexuality and took a keen interest in team shower time.

He would refuse to listen to the house music many of the players wanted to hear, instead he would insist on Lady Antebellum and country music. A real pest of a man and would always come swanning into training wearing his girlfriends jeans. I don’t mean tight jeans, I mean his girlfriends jeans.



Iain “Yano” Campbell



Much talked about in previous blogs and a good friend of mine but I think it’s fair to call him a madman. It should come as no shock that he is the gaffer’s laddie and he shares several of the same personality traits. On nights out he will go missing. He will then appear from nowhere sliding barefoot onto the dance floor and 2 foot someone before disappearing into the night.

As a previous member of my car school, when he was in a certain mood, he would wrestle the other members of the car school from the whole way up from Fife to Forfar. He is 30+ and has the mind of a 12 year old. Occasionally, I would drive up myself and hear a honk from a passing car. I would look to my right and there would be a large hairy backside hanging out the window.

He has joined up with his brother and Montrose and if I’m being honest I thought that was a recipe for disaster. I shared a dressing room with both of them and they were either fighting like bairns or Yano was refusing to talk to his brother. Fair play, they have made it work and successfully got Montrose promoted.



Image result for iain campbell forfar
Me and Billy Bunter during our happier days



David “Hutts” Hutton

Recently I have shared a dressing room with this madman. They say you have to be crazy to be a goalkeeper and this individual proves that theory. When he loses the plot – he loses the plot. I would be surprised if he hasn’t painted his driveway red, white and blue and dyed his grass because he won’t touch anything green.#


Last game of the season he has brought a boy down for a penalty with a knee high challenge. This sets “Hutts” off into an angry tirade shouting several expletives in the lads face. The Queens Park player didn’t even claim for a penalty despite it being clear as day. He then delays the penalty as the referee keeps calling him Michael. After a lengthy delay he stops the penalty with a wonder save before directing more expletives in the opposition player’s direction. This happened around 14 times a season.


We all took great joy in winding him up as you knew you would get a reaction. It was all good natured and I will miss him next year. I think deep down all goalkeepers are absolute madmen (apart from Rab Douglas if he’s reading…).

Image result for david hutton goalkeeper

You have to earn your stripes as a madman and the three I’ve selected have proven their worth over a number of years. There are a few young boys on the scene that I have played with for several months that could develop into this mould. Scott Martin (Hibs) and Chris “Boomer” McLaughlin (Dumbarton) evidenced some peculiar tendencies and I would like to see how they are getting on in a few years time.


These are the type of guys you cherish in your team and can have you rolling about the floor pissing yourself. They are loved by all members of the dressing room and can make those long journeys and any dead time fly by. I will certainly miss these individuals when it’s all over because without this type of character in our dressing room the players would be forced to listen to me talk about my blogs.


My career has been far from travelled so if anyone reading this has examples of characters they have played with please reply to the twitter post with examples and stories!

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